SOCIETY AND THE VAIN CULTURE OF PERCEPTION

The worst kind of people are the ones who in my opinion are doing absolutely nothing to improve their lives but are criticizing others’ life choices meanwhile being clueless, as if theirs were the greatest. One woman once told me:” I am always happy because I don’t live in a fantasy world. I am a realist.” She was of course referring to my lifestyle and yes, she might have a point, but I think that her realism can easily be transformed into pessimism if nothing is improved. I often hear her saying, I am going to do this, I am going to do that but I see her stuck in her own ways. Nothing has changed.  She is stagnant in her reality. Rather than be a passive realist, let me dream constructively. I am an avid dreamer but I always make sure my dreams come true. I think, I project, I learn how, I work on it until one day:” tadah!!!”, it becomes my reality. Isn’t it the meaning of “Abracadabra” in Hebrew; I create what I speak.

It isn’t a magic trick. In this sense, I think I have an OCD problem because I am normally obsessing with the dream, trying to realize it by working on it concretely. I don’t only dream. I might seem like a dreamer but I am more of a doer. I don’t make announcements for my projects. I execute them.

Being single in our thirties as a black woman in America is another way to attract pitiless and vain opinions of other’s who do not understand our life choices. Personally, I was single for a long time because I chose to be. There is a saying that is stipulated this way:” Be the change you want to see in the world but also in your own life.” I was working on myself, to attract the people, I wanted in my life but also the man that I wanted to marry. Evidently, in society’s eyes it wasn’t the case for me. I was labeled a dreamer, a utopian and an impossible woman that was waiting for a prince charming, a Cinderella of some sort. I learned growing up, never to explain myself to someone who is determined to misunderstand me anyway.
One woman from the Netherlands, a client, made fun of me with sarcasm one day, she asked me how old I was, I answered her and her lips crisped and she told me to get a cat. Seriously, I wanted to slap back at her with some spicy words, of course in a classy way; but my good angel told me to have mercy on her ignorant soul. I chose to smile instead. Mind over matter. It took my entire adulthood to learn the art of self-control. And frankly I am now amazed at how I can brush off oblivious mouth runs.

Then there is the friend who constantly nags me on how I should wear my hair although I never had a compliment rocking it the way she proposes. Is she afraid of my beauty? Is she afraid of my youth, my talent? I am wondering… Because lately she is acting like my image consultant on trying to tell me to do things that in my opinion as a certified image consultant myself, can only age me. Telling me how I should borrow her jumpsuit because it’s too big for her. Is she trying to gaslight me because she is jealous of something or am I being paranoid? I never received a sincere compliment from her without her having to suggest to me that I should do things her way. Again, I smile, every time and politely thank her.

Or this woman a famous singer, whom I haven’t seen in about seven years who took off like a road runner when she saw me in a supermarket. I dated a good friend of hers at that time. Somehow, I felt like she wanted him for herself but he kept her in the friend zone. Anyway, she probably was afraid of me bringing up the subject. I could care less about that man now. I said hi to her and she almost hit herself in the aisle with shelves running away grabbing along the friend who was with her. I felt that I frightened her. I laughed so hard. Life goes on and I never look back on what wasn’t meant to be. People grow, and change and it’s foolish to think that I might be the same person I was seven years ago.

How about how fat my coworker with nothing in her brains thought I looked because of her envy of my beautiful rear. Oh well, she told me one day, I am buying this. I replied It’s on hold for me at the store and she clapped back there is only one, it’s an XS and I want it. It will be too small for you anyway. The audacity of that brat. I laughed because I knew that as a frequent shopper at that boutique, my sales associate would never hand it over to her. The nerves!!!  Informally telling me that I am fat and so on, not knowing that I have inflammations as an allergic reaction to gluten.

How about the one who saw me leaving with the handsomest man at a house party and told me “see you at the store” to undermine me and make me look like a brainless shop worker in front of that corporate guy. I didn’t reply, because I never tell people my entire deal. I might have worked at a store at one point but my life doesn’t stop there. We all have our journey to walk through and if at one point years ago I might have looked like a senseless, brainless shop worker, today my reality has changed. I made a sacrifice then to move towards my life ambitions realistically. We are conditioned to think less of someone based on the kind of job they do.

Then there is this guy I dated who told me indirectly that he can’t associate himself, be with someone or even marry a sales associate. I wonder where is life is now, because I see it the same while mine has evolved drastically from five years ago. I made insane choices in the past of which I am reaping the fruits now.

In conclusion, society can destroy one’s vision. By altering his/her mind and diverting him/her from its goals. We must be vigilant of our surroundings for our personal growth. Keep things secret until it becomes reality, learn to remain calm in dealings with others and just do what we think is best for us no matter what. It pays off in the long term, to keep our integrity from the evil eyes of other. If you know who you are, pettiness from others can be dealt with a sarcastic little smirk on the corner of your mouth.