BLUE IS THE COLOR OF MY SOUL

I have come to the realization that achievements aren’t a matter of luck. It’s the culmination point of many years of practicing a craft. I’ve talked to several successful business owners in a diverse line of work; the arts, sales, athletes, designers, musicians etc. and they all told me the same thing: “I don’t know anything else; this is all I’ve got and love to do. I have to make it work” Who would have thought that those wonderful beings would be unable to embrace anything else? Really, when you think about it; it isn’t really a matter of capacity, but a matter of inherent passion. This is what they love doing. This is their blueprint.

Over the past year, I went on a goddess year Sabbath. I wanted to figure out what is it that drives me, who I am, what makes me happy and most importantly my purpose in life. Not that I don’t know, but I wanted to know just as a reminder to myself. I wanted to reconcile with myself. Two years ago, I fell deeply in love with someone who didn’t love me back and from there my life took a different path. I fell into a silent depression that almost cost me my life. I suffered a broken heart. I lost my ways, trying to understand why it didn’t work out, trying to be someone that I wasn’t, and blaming myself for things that didn’t matter or exist. I even had drunk myself to a coma only to wake up thirteen days later with post-traumatic stress disorder and dealt with it for months. “We looked so great together, we were meant for each other, same passions, same attitude towards life, same goals, but no common ground. What went wrong?” I was telling myself. The never-ending blah, blah. All that thinking consumed me, until I decided it was enough. I moved on with my life.

I took a year off everything: dating, heavy work, drinking, cigarettes, others. I treated myself like the goddess that I am. I traveled, ate whatever I wanted, did crazy stuff like skydiving, shark swimming, hot air balloon rides, archery, water tumbling, kick boxing, shooting range, race car driving, museum after museum; just to remind myself what a confident woman I am, and how truly amazing I was before my nervous breakdown. Nobody was there to help me cope. I took matters in my own hands and got well on my own. I learned one thing; self-love and respect are the best self care.

Nevertheless, now, I am back to my old me, but this time as an upgraded version. I am following my blueprint. I abuse my imagination: I write, I enjoy photography, I do fit modelling, dance Tango, I travel and I hit the gym four times a week. I also went back to my old healthy eating habits; a very strict alkaline diet: no gluten, no meat, no alcohol. Honestly, those actions aren’t habits to me anymore, but more the lifestyle that I value. I am a gypsy classic woman; I am a Preppy Trendy girl. I am who I am; a free-spirit, a sapiosexual fashionista, a red lipstick kind of girl, a  woman with a voice, a writer, a lover, a curious introvert, an explorer. These labels are part of my Maketub. They are what makes me tremendously happy. Some people think that money is everything; I think that living the life you want to live and deserve is everything.

It must be a fantasy before it becomes a reality. It required me thirty long years to finally understand who I am, and I have learned to be who I am no matter what. In history, the ones who always try to find a common peace ground always die. My soul has been stained with the blue indigo die of the veil of the Tuareg woman lifestyle. I am what I have and writing is what I love to do. This is my blueprint and I am embracing it. I am finally fulfilling the spread sheet that I have been sustaining in my head for the past twenty years and I am grateful for that one September 5th, 2015 afternoon when I slipped into a coma.

By: Marie Caroline Charles